Hui Whakatika
Background
·
Wiremu
is in year 10 at the local school he is fifteen years old.
·
Wiremu
had deliberately taken his moms car not for the first time.
·
He
and some friends had gone joy riding and they had crashed into a fence and into
a garden breaking trees and crushing plants.
·
Outwardly
Wiremu expressed no remorse at the damage to the car.
·
Wiremu
outwardly was even amused that he had broken several garden gnomes in the
garden he demolished.
·
This
was not an isolated incident; teachers at school were concerned with his change
of attitude as were members of his close and extended family.
A Hui was organised
with Wiremu’s whanau and supporters and there were many of each. Wiremu
was kept out of the loop. Supporters laboriously contacted and talked to many
friends and whanau about this Hui. The thought was to come at it using
Appreciative inquiry. The Hui was at the rugby clubrooms.
HUI
Wiremu was brought into the clubrooms after a rugby
game by an uncle. He was unaware as to why he was coming. Everyone was seated;
Wiremu and his uncle arrived late and sat in the front facing an empty speaking
area.
His uncle then stood up and apologized for being
late and explained that he had picked up Wiremu from rugby. He went on to tell
everyone how talented Wiremu was at rugby and how he was going to be the first
All Black from Te Hana. He went on to say how neat it was talking to him in the
car before and after his games. He said he was taken by the mature
conversations they both had and admitted he looked forward to these days. He
told us all he wished he had got married so he could have had a son, he went on
to say that he did have a whangai son he was proud of and he was sitting right
over there.
He sat down and Wiremu’s rugby coach James who Wiremu
adored got up and said he agreed with John’s comments on Wiremu’s rugby. He
told everyone about how Wiremu had won a game for them when everyone else had
given up.
He began “The score was 14 – 6 with ten minutes
left. Wellsford had just scored and all Wiremu’s mates were standing in a
huddle heads down under the posts. I had heard several expletives come out of
Wiremu’s mouth as they were watching the ball sail through the posts. I was
going through the motions of walking towards the throng with the intention of
dragging him off when I stopped suddenly as the korero became clearer”.
Wiremu was yelling at his mates “pick ya #@# heads
up you clowns, you shouldn’t be ashamed, everyone here has played their best”. He
went on to add “Those dicks at school said we were gonna to get a hiding, stuff
them man, is 14-6 a hiding ehoa ?” “Na! and are those @##@ better than us?
#@#@# No! So get your lazy @#@! out there and show them who we are, Ko wai ra,
Ko wai ra we are warriors not faggots!”
James admitted the language wasn’t ideal but boy did
they turn it on for those ten minutes and we won, fairytale stuff. He turned to
Wiremu and said “they only won because they believed in you boy cos they
respected you”. “I respect you for that”
He sat down and his mother got up and told how funny
Wiremu had been growing up and what a pleasure the memories still bring her.
She remembered him walking up to a fat policeman at the shops and saying “so
when is your baby coming?” The look the policeman gave her cher; she said it
was priceless and it will always stay with her. Many stories were told by his
mom, each with tears in her eyes filled with real aroha for her mokopuna.
When she sat down others stood to tell their tales,
his brothers, his friends, whanau members, teachers and when they had finished
nothing was said. The silence was very strong.
The Restoration
An elderly man then got up and nervously talked
about gardening and his garden in particular. His quiet korero continued as he
told how he and his wife, who had passed on had planted all the trees in the
garden and how proud she was of them. The gnomes in the garden were gifts from
her each Christmas; he said he could even remember the years each was given. He
talked on how important these memories were to him and how much he missed his
wife.
He sat down and Wiremu’s mom got up and talked about
her job and how much she didn’t like it but that it helped pay for stuff around
the house, food, clothes, extras, presents and surprises. She had even saved up
and bought her car with it, not much of a car but hers and she was proud of it.
She talked about how necessary it was when she had had to take Wiremu to the
hospital from a rugby game after he broken his arm and also when she had to
take nana to Auckland for the tangi of her friend. That car was very important
in her life and the family’s.
She sat down and the meeting was supposed to end but
it didn’t and it surprised everyone what happened next.
Wiremu stood up and he was crying. He stood and he
turned to the elderly gentleman and asked to be forgiven he offered to help fix
the fence and the garden and to glue the gnomes. He said “as a child I remember
your wife she used to give my sister flowers to take home to mom, she was
always smiling, she had a nice face”.
He hugged his mom and tearfully apologized over and
over
There was not a dry eye in that whare and I will not
forget it in a hurry. The meeting ended with everyone walking away with their
mana and wairua strengthened by what they had seen.
Wiremu did honour what he said to the old man he
never quite got around to fixing the car but he never took it again. There was
a huge turnaround at school in his behaviour and attitude to school. Looking at
his support I don’t think Wiremu ever thought he wasn’t loved, he just needed
to be reminded of it.
Would a suspension hui or throwing the book at
Wiremu have had the same effect? If not then why are we continuing to travel
the same road in disciplining our children?